Today’s blog was inspired by a conversation I had with my cousin earlier yesterday afternoon, but came to complete fruition after being stood up via text message last night.
I know. I know. How am I about get to all personal on this blog that is about my business?
Well they kind of relate. That’s how.
See, I’m a doer, but I’m also a giver. I give my time, energy, happiness, good vibes and everything else that I can, even money, if I believe in my friend or in the direction my friend is moving. I do this without expectation or insecurity. I do it because I’m a giver and I like my loved ones to be happy. The same can be said about the manner in which I conduct my business relationships-I treat them as friends.
Let me start from the end of my night…I had made plans to meet up with this guy last night. The plans ended up being shifted a bit and so after dinner with a good friend, I went to our planned meeting space. It was a fun bar that I really hope I can get to again on different terms, but I was sitting there waiting. I felt tired and really anxious (first dates usually are), but I had pushed myself from those feelings and the fear that gets mixed into meeting someone for the first time when it’s a non-platonic meeting.
Anyhow, I waited about 10 minutes and then left. It was almost 11 pm and I still had to walk home. Plus I’m not a very patient person. As I walked into my apartment complex, I received some text messages (yes, you read correctly) from the guy saying that he was very sorry, he knows he wasted my time, but that he was being a coward and decided last-minute that he couldn’t meet me. He had changed his mind. He also mentioned that he was sorry for not coming out and telling me to my face, but that he should have decided before that what he needs is something deeper. Something like that. I can’t remember and I deleted all of my text messages last night on accident.
My response to him was initially all ego, but when I calmed down I told him the following:
“I went in completely anxious and acting against my own insecurities and fears. I suppose that is what makes me awesome and so many not-I do things regardless of fear and then look back at whether it was wise or not. Every experience brings adventure and knowledge.”
As I wrote that, I realized just how true those sentences are. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never let fear stop me because I have, but in most cases (the ones that really count), I go straight ahead into things and situations and then look back and think, “What where you thinking?!” In other words, it is rare that Sara ever plays it safe. When I do attempt to play it safe, I get frustrated and miserable. Which is why I’m content with even my decision to go to the bar last night and then to leave after 10 minutes.
After I calmed down, I was reminded of the earlier conversation with my cousin.
My cousin calls me every couple of weeks to talk and I just listen. I often listen to her talk her way out and into things. This isn’t a criticism however, it’s just a fact. I’m okay with this. I enjoy knowing that she values my opinions and that she thinks I can help her clear her thoughts. I’m a firm believer that not only do we have to say things out loud for the Universe to hear, but we have to talk our thoughts out for clarity. If we just keep things inside, we end up a jumble of a mess.
As I listened to her talk about her senior project and her ideas and her passions, I zeroed in on what I felt she really wanted to focus on and helped her put together an action plan and loosely based schedule of how she should tackle this in the next 10 weeks. She was super appreciative and as she got ready to hang up the phone said, “okay, thanks, I’m going to go write these ideas down now.”
This left me thinking about how often I’ve done this. How many times I’ve listened to people and zeroed in on their feelings and wants and tried to inspire them to do what they want, or be creative. I’m hardly Oprah who talks about “living your best life” and I don’t want to be a life coach. I’m also not always right and sometimes I can be too rough and tough in my guidance. The only thing I can promise really is to share what I know and to encourage you one way or the other. I will never lie to someone or sugar coat things to make them better, or to tell them what they want to hear.
I base my words and suggestions in my experiences and my beliefs that yes, we should all try to be good people and be content and do good things, but the reality is that we are all selfish, confused and have moments of strong unhappiness. When that happens we have to take the unhappiness and go with it. Not everyone can move through the unhappiness to the next stage. It takes time and sometimes tears and sitting in your apartment and being alone. I’ve been there which is how I can speak so openly.
I do find it fulfilling to help friends and family and to offer them suggestions and opinions, but I don’t know that I could listen to people outside of my friends and family. After a while the burden can feel heavy and too much and I can tune people out. Not good. Especially if I’m getting paid.
Yesterday afternoon, I posted on Facebook something about getting paid for being a life motivator and some friends responded with me being a life coach. I’m serious about not wanting that. Instead, I was just amazed that my doing can inspire other people to do things. Of course this isn’t the case with the guy who stood me up, but you know maybe my comment to him will inspire him not to be fearful in the future. It more than likely won’t, I’ll never know.
What I do know is that like everything in life, you win some, you lose some, but no matter what, you have to shake all of that off and keep moving. Don’t let fear stop you. Hopefully, you have someone on your side that helps you pick up those loose ends of fear when there are too many and if not, then find a life coach, or just shoot me an email and maybe I won’t charge you. I’m just kidding!