A Crazy Few Weeks

The prodigal daughter returns! Hooray!

It’s been a crazy few weeks my friends. Crazy. This Friday marks my official month at the internship and it’s daunting and amazing at the same time. There are incredible people who I am learning from and so many people I like. The office environment is unlike any that I’ve worked before and I can see myself both being comfortable and uncomfortable for a long time to come.

The past few weeks I’ve been both inspired and exhausted. More so exhausted, but it’s funny how exhaustion works. How even when feeling tired and crabby and uninspired, you can still rev the engines and move.  It’s also funny, how right when you’re in the thick of things and you’re on the phone after avoiding calling the credit counseling company, you break into tears and then feel the release of admittance and a feeling of new hope. And then it’s funny that you find someone who needs help walking his dog and is willing to pay you money to spend something like 15-20 minutes in the good, or bad, weather feeling good about getting time to work out your body all the while stopping a dog from dragging you around and attacking squirrels.  And then comes the moment you think, “I need to get a ticket to the 2012 Stationery Show”, and a woman you donated to last year emails you and tells you she has a ticket for you to the Stationery show and wants to take you to dinner as a thank you! It’s also funny, how just in the moment when you just want quiet and to sleep in your own bed, you find your house free of the one person you can’t stand the most, but busting to the brim with two of your favorite people (one roommate and her boyfriend), a dog that peed on your cable box and tore into bags, and two old friends: one from high school, and one not quite as old, but still an old friend who you met nine years ago in a pub in Dublin on St. Patrick’s Day and have only had slight communication with thanks to social media since, but whose visit feeds your soul.

And then you add in all the other things (and also the first tense instead of the third)- the odd job requests I’ve gotten, even though they’ve fallen through. The fact that my business and my talent are on the radar of friends and Etsians.  The email and subsequent scheduling of dates to do sessions on paper and card making at the NY Public Library throughout the summer (more details coming soon!). Oh, yeah, working on orders in between all of this, having to rely on my printer for simple copies, AND having my products launched on a website called A8 New York, focused on style for men (more details coming soon, on this, too!). I also paid for advertising opportunities on two websites:The Mogul Mom and WeddingInviteLove and one eblast: The {NewNew} e-blast announcing our Calvalcade.   I also got word that I was accepted for my first market of the year: Spring Crafts in Chelsea and so I’m gearing up and thinking about new things to design for the show.  I’m also working with a photographer on my Etsy team on some new wedding invitations specific to NYC (more details soon!).  And there’s the blogging. While I haven’t been blogging here, I’ve made a few appearances on the Etsy team blog and I am writing a blog for this Friday on my friend Kerry’s blog. I’ve also been involved with various donation (I accept up to four donation requests a year) projects, tonight being one of the big ones, where I’ve donated custom stationery to be auctioned at a fundraising event for on of my favorite organizations, Earthwatch Institute.

And then of course, we have to add in even more personal things, like knowing that I’m going to have to move come July 15th and deciding what is the best option and where do I want to go. Oh, yeah, and I saw my friend’s apartment over the weekend because he thinks it is just too perfect that I need to move when his apartment becomes available.  There’s also the guy I like probably more than I should, yet he responds to it and so I’m happy about that. There’s the slight back pain, but still not as bad as it was during the other 9-to-5. There’s also my feeling tired ALL the time, but I think I may know why now- Vitamin D deficiency and the fact that I haven’t REALLY stopped moving since March 20th (I am taking Vitamin D now and trying to relax a bit in the coming days),  but over all my health is in good standing and I can’t complain.

I found out at the beginning of this month that I didn’t get into the grad school program I had applied for at the end of January. I’m planning to write a whole blog about this later this month, maybe even this week, but I can tell you this, for now, with everything going on, it was a relief to read my flimsy letter telling me I am rejected. It also opened a whole new door for whether to pursue Japan or not THIS year, or save it for next. This ties into the paragraph above with me trying to decide whether I want to move into my friend’s apartment, how confident I feel about landing a full-time gig at my current place of internship employment, and how positive I feel over all about the changes headed my way in the next 2.75 months.

All together now, “Whew, I’m/ she’s  busy!”

That, my friends is what has taken place in the almost month (3 days until it is official) since I’ve written on this blog and started this new adventure.  I am and have taken quite a few risks and I know that there are going to be more. Many, many more. For the first time though, I feel relaxed. I feel relaxed because even with the amount of changes going on in my life and the feeling that I could sleep for hours – I feel alive, happy, and determined. I even make sure I pick up flowers every Monday from the Farmers Market on my way into work to liven up my desk. That’s how good I feel. Still though, I wish I could run away from my fears, but I’m not; I’m calling them up individually and accepting what they say and am going to fight to prove them wrong. That really is ALL I can do now in regards to the fear. I can only knock them down and make shit happen.

So that’s it. That my way of explaining where I’ve been. It’s my way of sharing the ups and down and the excitement and fears. That’s my way of getting back into blogging about S2 Stationery and Design and myself.  Let’s roll!

Oh, and wherever you’ve been or are this past month, please know I’m sending you positive energy and hope for many good things to come. It’s the moment that counts (even though I lose focus of that daily) and how you process the moment.  It’s good to be back writing. More to come!

A Thing Called Rejection

Today I’m tackling rejection. Rejection as a business owner is tough. Heck, rejection as a human is tough. Yet, it’s a part of life, a rite of passage; every one gets rejected once, twice, many, many times.

In my experience getting rejected as a business owner is a bit easier than getting rejected as a human. It’s easier to just brush off a lost sale or order with the thoughts that the client/customer, just wasn’t your target. As a human it’s a bit trickier because you feel it. When a company, crush, potential lover, friend, etc rejects you, it’s personal, it makes you wonder if you’re unattractive, not cool, smart or sexy enough. Of course that’s all nonsense because it’s buying into fulfilling or rather living a cookie cutter, societal demand. Chances are you are smart, sexy and cool enough, it’s more that you and that person are not compatible.

This lesson of compatibility is difficult for many. Heck, it was difficult for me. Yet, I had to learn it at a very young age, 11 and it was when my parents moved our family from the variety of New York to the close-mindedness of Cleveland Heights, Ohio. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up just fine and lovingly remember my middle/high school days spent in the Heights, but I remember the transition of the move was tough and having people pick on me because of my hair and the way I spoke didn’t make it easy one bit.

What I learned from all of this is to be ME. I can’t be anyone, but me. I am so grateful that I learned this at the ripe young age of 11. It stopped me from behaving like a bratty (although, I’m sure I did in one way or another) teenager toward my parents. I did not engage in any activity that was questionable, although I did have my moments of feeling ugly–I was super chubby in a high school full of white girls that not only had money, but were in sororities. Not lying about that one! Yet, even with that, I never really ever felt odd or incapable or full of doubt. If anything, I became more independent and learned to just shake things off with, “well, I’m not changing for anyone. Either you like me as is, or you don’t like me at all, but that’s that.”

I’ve stuck with the philosophy for the past 19 years and I have no regrets. I would be lying if I said that every once in a while I don’t like my hair, or the way my arms are, but the reality is I wake up every morning, pretty happy and roaring to go. I decide who and what I’m going to do and why I’m going to do it. I’m lucky enough to love and trust myself.

Which is why last week when I didn’t get the wedding order invitation and got the, I love your stuff, but I can’t justify spending this amount of money on cards right now, emails, I totally just shook them off. The latter one, I totally understood–the cost is a bit high (although I refuse to alter my pricing for my work) and in this economy when things aren’t the greatest, I can see why stationery may seem like an impulse buy.  The earlier, to be quite honest was a bit of a relief.

I say relief because in my conversation with the client, I was told one thing and in the final conversation, I was told that the client’s mother was the one paying for the items and she wanted something more fancy. I scratched my head thinking, “who’s the client here?”, but instead just said, “no worries, I understand. I am more than sure that you’ll find what you’re looking for as there is so much gorgeous wedding stuff out there.” The client did pay me my design fees and mailed me back the samples. Done and Done.

I don’t want any of you readers to think that I’m talking about my client, because I’d never do that. What I’m instead talking about is the fact that I was able to recognize that the client I thought I was working with and the client I would have ended up working with are two very different clients.  The energy would have been off and where as I would have gone through great leaps and hoops for the one client, I simply did not want to work with a difficult client in the end.  In essence, I was able to realize that this project might have just ended up being more than I bargained for and that I would not be able to supply what the customer needs.  Another reason why I can’t take this personally just because a client doesn’t like my work, doesn’t mean they don’t like me. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure they do like me, I just haven’t met their need.

I am definitely one to rise to the occasion, but as an artist, I am also aware that connections and energy have to flow in order for everyone on board to be happy. I don’t ever want to be stressed out about an order, nor do I want my client to feel stressed out. I don’t think it’s ever bad to follow instincts on this.  If an initial reaction about a client is a bit of dread, chances are you should follow your instinct. They may be nice enough, but when you’re dealing with custom design/orders, you must follow your instinct. Yes, getting paid and being proud of your work are great benefits from completing an order, but I find myself happier by knowing that I’ve made a client happy and that the client can count on me. That to me is the real result. The money and the pride that come with the result,  are like the cherry and whipped cream of a sundae, but are not the priority, like say the chocolate ice cream.

In our culture where everything can be found easily and for cheap, I think this is what stands out, what really makes a difference to a customer. This is another reason, why I refuse to budge on my pricing now. In the beginning, I was just starting and I wanted people to buy my stuff, but when I look back, I’ve created some amazing pieces for dirt cheap prices. I mean, seriously, some of these people got fantastic deals!

In each of those situations, I was proud and eager and would never have said no. They were building blocks. They were also all spectacular ego boosters because everyone loved what I created and told me I was talented and needed to keep doing what I’m doing.  Those orders, and a little bit of my feisty 11 year-old-self,  helped to get me where I am now–to the point where I can say, thank you for your consideration, but it’s okay for you to go elsewhere.

Not only do I value my own integrity, but I want the client to spend their hard-earned money on something that makes them happy and speaks to them. I would want the same thing as a buyer, so therefore, I will gladly take your rejection and churn it into another positive energy…which we never know where it can lead.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on rejection and how you’ve channeled it into positive energy. I’m all ears!