Monday morning, I quit my job. GASP!
And yet, I have never felt better. Nor have I felt more tired. I am exhausted and excited. I am anxious and confident.The wheels are turning even as I ponder just wanting to sleep and do nothing besides maybe catch up knitting.
I’m beginning to think that all of this is due to the wide range of emotions I’m experiencing-the highs and the lows. I have yet to cry, although, I did tear up a bit yesterday afternoon, but on the whole I’m excited. I’m anxiously awaiting the opportunities that will open themselves to me on March 20th. Of course, I realize that I’ve opened the opportunities myself with my persistence and optimism, but I also know that luck and fate presented itself back in October and then again in December and now, three months later.
I am purposely not letting the cat out of the bag completely, I will share full details when March 21st arrives, but I am here to tell you that my move is exactly in the direction I need to follow if I want to make THIS business (S2 Stationery and Design) my bread and butter. It is also a much needed change of Borough, scenery, office style and environment.
For those of you who know me well, or have been following the curve of S2 since the fateful dream in 2009, I’ve been unhappy. For those of you who don’t know, let me just say that I’ve struggled to find myself and deal with my grief. My methods of handling grief involved becoming busier than ever before; pushing myself into a state where all I could do was feel run down. I don’t need to tell you that this was not pretty. Finding yourself, true reflection, sincere acceptance, and strong resolve are the only ways to truly change and they aren’t always pretty with rainbows and butterflies.
Every day, I battle this and every day something new presents itself and I either learn, or acknowledge something about myself that I may not like and yet, I keep it moving.
In the past two years since really accepting my unhappiness, I’ve worked harder to try and find happiness and to make happiness take shape. It is part of the reason why now, this Lent season I decided to not give up anything, but instead focus on finding a happy place in my mind that is free of criticisms and judgements and anger.
Last weekend, after I had made my decision to leave my 9-to-5 of almost five years, I thought about it and wondered if I was making the wrong choice. Then, I realized that every argument for me staying had something to do with money and when money is your only barrier, it really isn’t a barrier at all.
I do want you to know that this change brings about many things:
- I won’t be making the same kind of money as I am now;
- I will have to move from my apartment at some point;
- I may really end up eating only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
On a more positive note, I think and hope that the following things may happen:
- Feel less trapped;
- Feel less stress on my back (yes, I realize this involves also working to strengthen my back)
- Feel more ease in my mind
Of course, I can not know exactly what will come of these changes, but right now in this moment, I can only give them some consideration, not all of my consideration. Right now, as I type, has me feeling exhausted, but on my toes. Which means that as much as I intend to keep blogging during the next week of change, I may go off the bend for a while. I’m not going to ask for forgiveness, but maybe some understanding? Change does bring a lot to the table and I’m in the thick of it, but I can’t wait to share all the changes. So stay with me, okay?
I hope any changes you have brewing are bubbling well and close to completion. Here’s to change!